Willpower Planning: How to Leverage Your Most Powerful Resource
INTRO
WILLPOWER PLANNING
How to leverage your most valuable resources
Every human being, including you and I have a set of resources at our disposal. Among our most valuable are time and energy. None of us know how much time we have left, but we do our best to plan ahead nevertheless. We do all have an intuitive sense of how much energy we have. We understand that the day we run a marathon is probably not the day that we do our crossfit workout, or the day we stay late at the office is not the day that we take our kids to the movies. Put simply, when we burn the candle at both ends, we burn ourselves out, and our creative output suffers.
I wrote this book to contend that there is a third, equally important human resource: willpower. And, if we learn to utilize this resource respectfully, and efficiently, it will benefit our work, our relationships, and most importantly, our minute-to-minute sense of wellbeing.
MY STORY
I was inspired to write this while traveling across the country in the winter of 2021. I had been living in New York City, working since I graduated college in 2017. I was living in a three bedroom apartment in Crown Heights when the pandemic hit. Like most others, we thought it would pass quickly. At the time, I was working at a mental health care company, supervising one of their office spaces (which therapists used to meet clients.) 5 months later I was back supervising the space, but it was effectively empty for my 8 hour shift - save for Gabe, who would give me a slight smile under his mask and a gentle wave before heading to his room.
There wasn’t much to do in the physical space, so my company had given me a promotion (in lieu of a pay raise of course) to Onboarding Administrator. I spent the majority of my eight hours copying and pasting new members’ information from an excel sheet to our web portal. Initially I spent the interstitial time at the job completing a life purpose course or doing yoga in my chinos in one of the break rooms. But as the weeks dragged by, the everpresent ding of my Slack chats strangled my free time and my sense of autonomy.
The job was easy - it was just copying and pasting. The pay was fine, I had good benefits. I never had to stay late and much of the time I could put on a podcast or new music. I should have left work with boundless energy - I’d done barely anything after all. But, Monday to Friday, I left work a bag of bones. I didn’t want to work out, I didn’t want to spend time with my girlfriend, and I certainly didn’t want to work on my life purpose. I would pick up thai food, plop onto the couch, and watch The Great British Baking Show until I dragged myself to bed. I didn’t understand it at the time, but I was wasting one of my most precious assets on bullshit. Not bullshit objectively, but on an activity that wasn’t giving me much in return. This became untenable and I quit a few months later.
Looking to make the most of the rest of quarantine, Sofie and I decided to travel for 6 months, going south and then west to visit friends and see the country (I’m writing this in Denver.) But, even though I’d rid myself of a draining job, my frustrations continued. I spent the first couple of months of my unemployment in a state of hibernation. Happily, I gave myself permission to really do nothing. I enjoyed the Florida beaches, stretched a lot, and generally vegged out. This was fun for a few weeks, but soon I could feel myself wasting away. I endured a few weeks of this in New Orleans, believing that I should just “relax into it” or that I shouldn’t try to avoid the discomfort of this feeling, that this was merely my “capitalism-molded reptile brain using a fantasy of productivity to anesthetize me for another year.” But of course, I eventually gave in, it was too uncomfortable not to.
I overcompensated, and scheduled everything in my daily planner that I could think of; job search, meditation workout, see friend, go for walk, take new course, and on and on and on. I was happy to shake off the crust of inactivity, but I was stressed and overwhelmed every day, even though I was only working for a few hours. Then I had the insight that it was the way that I was using my time, more than how much of it I used, that was determining my engagement with my work.
WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH YOU?
I’ll make a bold statement here. If you feel depressed and inactive, or on the other end of the spectrum, stressed and overwhelmed, you’re unaware of and/or misusing your willpower. Willpower is limited, we all have a range which, while slightly malleable, is more rigid than we would imagine. If you’re anything like me, you oscillate wildly between the ends of this spectrum, doing tremendous amounts of work, becoming frustrated, quitting and doing nothing. Maybe you too are digging into willpower reserves, emptying your tank everyday, and eventually burning yourself out, usually before you’re able to use your willpower to do the work that you really care about. Even if you are utilizing it effectively, is your willpower “currency” being spent on the things that are most important to you?
WHAT IS WILLPOWER ANYWAY?
Simply put, willpower is your capacity to overcome emotional resistance. Willpower is a force of nature, and it’s one that only exists in relationship to resistance. Imagine a bodybuilder, his muscles are only strong to the extent that they are able to move objects against gravity or friction - in other words, physical resistance. Because of our wiring, both universal
and individual, we live with some degree of emotional resistance or, in other words, emotional fear.
Some fears keep us safe, compelling us to look both ways before we cross the street or stay alert in a dangerous neighborhood. But emotional resistance is a different kind of fear. We feel it when there is something we know we would like to do, but doing so would threaten our social or emotional safety, rather than our physical safety. We have all experienced this before a date or a piano recital - we feel a force, almost like the force of gravity, that makes the task seem difficult or sometimes impossible - we know no real harm will come to us, but nevertheless we feel we simply aren't strong enough.
It can take a great amount of energy to orient ourselves towards a difficult task, something that terrifies us, perhaps something we have a burning desire for. We imagine that this is too much for us to accomplish, so many of us do not spend our willpower here, or we only do so initially and then burn out. But, what many of us don’t realize is that firstly, this willpower cost is highest at the beginning of a venture, and secondly, it also requires tremendous willpower to orient or move towards things that we hate.
Consequently, we must understand how we are using our willpower day to day, so we can use this resource more effectively.
THE RESISTANCE SPECTRUM
I find it useful to imagine resistance as a spectrum, numbered 0 to 10. Perhaps it's a zero on the resistance spectrum for you to watch The Office. It’s light, funny, and takes no effort - you would do it with no promise of payoff or future benefit. On the other end of the spectrum we have a 10. This is something that you would almost never do, and if you were to engage in this activity it would either require weeks or months of preparation, or a tremendous payoff - this might be something like a marathon, giving birth, etc. Keep in mind that a ten for you might be
totally different than a ten for me. Currently, I’m at about a five writing this paragraph. I have a strong desire to share my ideas, but there is fear there as well, judgement of my writing, worries if it will be read, etc. Below I’ve included a list of how I define each number. This is simply a guide, the method I will introduce below is not about hitting a specific number or perfectly gamifying your life, it’s simply a tool for self-discovery and daily planning.
RESISTANCE ZERO TO TEN
0 - Something that I would do with no promise of payoff. Something that requires essentially no effort, perhaps brushing my teeth or watching TV.
1 - This is something that requires enough willpower that I recognize it as a task. However it’s so easy or enjoyable that I have plenty of willpower remaining for the rest of the day. For me, this might be something like dropping off my laundry.
2 - An activity that ranks as a two is probably either something very quick and easy, or something enjoyable, but it can also be something you’re already deeply committed to. For me this might be going to a yoga class with a friend. There is certainly effort involved, some days I’d rather stay home, but I’m excited to go and I don’t need much convincing.
3 - For me, a three is an activity that I will always do unless something else comes up. This might be my workout program or a meditation habit that I’ve been very diligent about.
4 - A four for me is something that I do when I’m in the mood for it. I’m likely convinced that it’s a good idea, but it’s not something that I do every day unless I really see the benefit.
5 - This is an activity that I like parts of, but I find other parts challenging or frustrating. I might do it consistently, but it would likely be one of the more challenging tasks in my day.
6 - This is a good challenge. I probably won’t do something like this every day, maybe once every week or two. A good example would be trying to learn a new skill, going on a date I’m nervous for, etc.
7 - A seven is about the limit of what I think a “good” task is. After this, the challenge and potential downside start outweighing the benefits. A seven is something that I may be scared of, but something that may hold great benefit.
8 - An 8 is the absolute max for an activity that I would do semi-regularly/ without great preparation.
9/10 - This starts getting into the range of activities that I believe are so difficult that they are only worth doing very irregularly, with great preparation, or not at all, because the risk of burnout or quitting is so great, and the advantage over consistent work in the 5-7 range is dubious. This is the equivalent of testing a one-rep-max on a bench press.
LIFE PLANNING USING THE RESISTANCE SPECTRUM
To use this tool most effectively we must first understand where our daily activities lie on the resistance spectrum. Below is a worksheet to help you take a basic inventory of your days, so that you can decide what activities stay, what needs to go, and what you might like to add to help you accomplish your goals and stay happy and energetic. We can break this down into 5 steps.
HOW TO USE THE RESISTANCE SPECTRUM
First - Each day, list out the main activities in your life and how much willpower they use up. How much willpower does it take for you to stay at work? It’s best to think, “if there were no consequences for me not doing this thing, what are the chances I would do it.” There’s a high likelihood that if you would never work your job if there were no consequences to leaving, you probably have relatively high resistance to the work, even if you’ve grown accustomed to it. You may be working eight-plus hour days. In this case, feel free to split the day up into multiple parts so that your willpower total is most accurate. Add to this list for a week so that you create a good picture of what a standard day looks like in terms of willpower used and activities done.
Second - Now let’s dig a little deeper. Where do you feel aggravation, boredom, or frustration throughout the day? Maybe it’s an absolute bitch for you to wake up at 6 in the morning. Maybe your commute is hell. These activities might seem banal. but they require willpower and need to be included in your inventory.
Third - It’s important to make distinctions between uses of willpower that move you towards something you care about, uses that are neutral, like brushing your teeth, and uses that move you towards something you don't care about or actively dislike. Go through the activities that you listed and label them: A for the activities that actively move you towards a goal you care about, perhaps taking night classes to get a degree in a field you’re attracted to. B for activities that are just part of your day, perhaps making breakfast. And C, for activities that either move you towards a goal you don’t care about or dislike, for example, doing weekly dinners that you hate with a friend, commuting to a job you detest, etc.
The activities you care about are fantastic, give most of your energy to those. The unconscious uses of willpower could be areas for improvement - if you are using most of your willpower for your commute could you move closer to work? Or, if you really saw how much energy was wasted slugging through your morning routine after 6 hours of sleep, you might rethink your bedtime. And lastly, uses of willpower that move you AWAY from what you want should be eliminated as quickly as possible. This is going backwards, plain and simple.
MONDAY
ACTIVITY
WILLPOWER USED
Notes:
TOTAL =
TUESDAY
ACTIVITY
WILLPOWER USED
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WEDNESDAY
ACTIVITY
WILLPOWER USED
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TOTAL =
THURSDAY
ACTIVITY WILLPOWER USED
Notes:
TOTAL =
FRIDAY
ACTIVITY
WILLPOWER USED
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TOTAL =
SATURDAY
ACTIVITY
WILLPOWER USED
Notes:
TOTAL =
SUNDAY
ACTIVITY
WILLPOWER USED
Notes:
TOTAL =
HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR IDEAL WILLPOWER RANGE
As I mentioned at the beginning of this book, underutilizing willpower may lead to an experience of depression and atrophy. Overutilizing willpower and digging deep into your reserves day after day can lead to burnout and stress. Neither is ideal. We all have a golden range of willpower. Mine may be a self-reported 15-25. Yours may be 40-50. The important thing is that we feel productive and energized for the entire day, without the need for artificial energy like caffeine, so that we can keep doing the things that we care about for the rest of our lives.
So, with that in mind, take a tally of your willpower for each day. This is not an exact science, there will be a lot of noise. I find that most of my days consist of activities in the 3-5 range. Anything below I usually dont record, and anything above I usually try to stay away from. Alongside your tally, report how you felt that day. This can be a simple rating itself, or a more detailed investigation. At the end of the day see if there is a correlation between a certain range of willpower and a more enjoyable or productive day. I do find that I feel the most at ease and engaged when my score is around 20, with the relaxed end being around 16, and the “grind” end being around 25. You may notice that your score looks nothing like this. That’s okay, you’re working towards understanding yourself, the numbers are only a guide.
WHAT NOW?
Now that you have found an ideal amount of willpower to use, how do you actually want to use it? Remember, willpower can be viewed as a currency. If you only have 20 dollars to spend each day, how do you want to spend it? What costs need to go? Where could this money be redistributed? This can be as dramatic as quitting a job you hate, or as mundane as taking
the scenic route to work. You may also realize that you are spending your currency on activities that are moving you towards your goals, but you simply don’t have the energy for all of them. It may be hard to let some go, but hitting your willpower sweet spot will keep your machine humming along for years. Lastly, you may be having trouble deciding where you want to be spending your willpower. If it’s simply a currency, what do you want to buy? Nicer abs? More fulfilling work? A new girlfriend? Or your shitty commute, dead end job, etc. It’s 100% up to you, but below you’ll find a good technique to find out where you can get the most bang for your buck.
HOW TO SELECT YOUR GOALS - WILLPOWER TIERS
You may have no idea what to do with your life. You may have a goals list overflowing with possible ideas. I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum, and while they appear diametrically opposed, both can lead to stagnation, frustration, and inaction. Picking goals is actually quite simple, and we can use a basic formula to help us.
First you’ll want to make a list of potential goals. I’m going to invite you to shoot for 50. This may seem daunting, but just keep going, there may be some gold in your later efforts. To help get my brain going I like to partition my goal brainstorming into goals for my Health, Career and work life, Social and Romantic life, and my Happiness and fulfillment (or spirituality if you’re inclined). I’ve included space for you to brainstorm below.
Next, for each goal report your excitement when you envision the goal’s completion. For example, imagine one of your goals is, “run 10 miles a week.” You may envision yourself a year from now as an adept runner. You’re fit, relaxed, 20 pounds lighter, and have beautiful new Hokas - whatever the accomplishment of the goal looks like in your mind. Let’s say this is an 8 on the excitement scale. Next, you’ll imagine how difficult you imagine the completion of the goal being. You may think about the difficulty of running, the burning in your lungs, the aching in
your legs. Maybe this feels like a 6 out of 10 for difficulty, or essentially, a 6 out of 10 in the amount of willpower that the goal will take. Lastly, subtract your Difficulty number from your Excitement number and you’ll have your Tier. Our example would leave us with a Tier of 2. Do his for each of your goals, and rank them by the highest tier. These are the goals to accomplish first. Keep in mind, as humans we are not particularly good at predicting difficulty, this will simply be a rough estimate, because, as Bill Gates famously said, “most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.”
Lastly, if you’re wondering how many goals to take on at once, your answer lies in your willpower range. Fill your day with the goals, arranged by the tiers you’ve calculated, until you reach your ideal willpower range. Then get to work!
POTENTIAL HEALTH GOALS
BRAINSTORMING
GOAL
EXCITEMENT
DIFFICULTY
TIER
POTENTIAL WORK GOALS
GOAL
EXCITEMENT
DIFFICULTY
TIER
POTENTIAL SOCIAL GOALS
GOAL EXCITEMENT DIFFICULTY TIER
POTENTIAL HAPPINESS/ FULFILLMENT GOALS
GOAL
EXCITEMENT
DIFFICULTY
TIER
