Embrace Your Appetite

In my last newsletter I meditated on accepting and learning from your feelings. Since then, I’ve wondered about the logical conclusion of this - the acceptance of all feelings, all desires. And, in this anti-denialism I find tremendous liberation - it frees us to have our full appetites.

This is not an endorsement of hedonism, nor a repudiation of moderation. But try this on for a moment: generally when confronted with two options that seem like polarities one tends to default to an emotional tug of war. For example, “I want to eat delicious food” versus “I want to be skinny.” Or, “I want to be skinny” versus “I want to love my body at any shape.” The mind starts building intellectual arguments to defend emotional conclusions - “I only want to be skinny because society has brainwashed me with beauty standards. This is my trauma speaking. I shouldn’t want this.” These arguments, even if they contain relative truth, are rarely convincing or soothing. So I propose something different. 

As an exercise, you might consider bringing to mind a difficult decision or a seeming impasse in your life. Feel the tension of this. Now let your mind relax for a moment. Can you allow yourself to expand and let the apparent contradictions coexist? The instinct will be to return to the mind in an attempt to make sense of the situation - to make this unity logical or practicable. Ignore this. Simply allow your unbounded appetite to be. Let your appetite be a lightning bolt, a neon thread cutting through the noise of your mind.

As an extra exploration, if you find yourself with a few free minutes make a list of at least 20 desires. Unchain yourself here. I remember a mentor of mine years ago impressing upon me the power of “I want.” This may seem to fly in the face of buddhist spiritual teaching, but examine more closely and you’ll find that hidden underneath every denial of a desire is that very desire festering. Let it breathe. Feed your hunger, or let it go.