The A to Z of Transforming Suffering
When I seek out help I’m looking for somebody who can demystify an overwhelming pocket of reality - somebody who can say “this is why you’re at Point A, and this is how you get to Point Z.” I was recently asked what I would say to a struggling client - below is my system.
So to start, why are you suffering?
You got hurt. It happens.
You created a defense against future hurts. This is, in a sense, the only logical thing to do. The defense is created and maintained on three levels: Physical, Emotional, and Mental. Guarding on the Physical level looks like restricted breathing and contracted muscles. Emotionally, we deaden feeling and experience different forms of suffering - resistance, numbness, or a muted version of a true feeling (rage becomes frustration, terror becomes anxiety, etc.) Mentally, we create negative stories or images about the world and how we must behave in it to stay safe. These three levels operate holistically. They come into being in perfect harmony, and working any one of these therapeutically will effect the others.
You forgot that you created a defense and have now confused it with reality. This should be received as good news - if you’re suffering don’t worry, it’s just your defense. If you don’t like yourself don’t worry, it’s just the defense. If this seems absurd to you it’s simply because you’re so deeply identified with the defense that life outside of it is impossible to imagine.
Okay great, so what now?
You can unwind this process by working backwards. First, recognize that your experience is not reality, it is simply a shield against some painful element of it (imagine living inside a snow globe or a fish bowl.) As you bring awareness to the defense fear will likely arise. This makes sense because the defense was initially created to protect you against pain and overwhelm. Critically examining the defense risks exposing you to these feelings again. To maintain its efficacy the defense mustdisincentivize you from undoing it. This means if you’re feeling fear you’re probably going in the right direction.
Once you’ve identified that you are in fact in a defense you can approach it from any of the three levels - Physical, Mental, Emotional. As a Core Energetics Practitioner (a somatic/body-based modality) I will prioritize the Physical approach more than, let’s say, a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) practitioner. This is not because the Physical level is more important than any other, it’s simply because this level is often neglected in our culture and therapeutic approaches. Bringing awareness to any level of the defense will elicit transformation. This might look like breath work, exploring mental constructs such as “the world is a dangerous place”, or feeling into the emotions in the body. The byproduct of this work will likely be pain. The defense exists to avoid pain, so its deconstruction will release some. Imagine defrosting your hands after coming in from the cold. This pain might be decades old, but the experience of it will be temporary and representative of your liberation.
Breathe deeply, feel fully, and be free.
