A Life of Engagement
A few weeks ago, I had a dream where I was chased by wolves. Initially, behind glass, I had admired one’s beauty, but as the sliding door crept open I was filled with terror. I ran for hours — ducking behind couches, entreating the support of allies, and ultimately climbing out of a bathroom window and bounding from roof to roof to avoid being torn apart. A wise voice counseled me that I could either run and suffer or surrender to death. I chose to run but soon fell to my death below. Later in the night, I fought a video-game boss — a monstrous crone. Armed only with a hammer, I dashed in close and then evaded her counters. I had no indication whether these attacks affected her, but I was alive with fight and vitality.
Each of these dreams reflects an attitude toward life. In the first, a fight is only worth fighting when you can win, otherwise you’re a fool to participate — save your skin by any means necessary. This is a world of dualities — win and loss and life and death. The first dream takes place in what Eckhart Tolle refers to as “an insanely complex world of continuous problems and conflict.”
The latter dream is an open field. Win and loss are present in this world, but they are not the fabric of it. The fabric is engagement. Engagement is primary and unconditional, encompassing win and loss rather than serving them. In other words, full participation in life is a fait accompli, independent of life circumstances, rain or shine.
This raises the question: how does one assume such a posture? To risk repeating the core insight of my previous newsletter, What MMA Taught Me About Healing, this process is akin to building a great structure. We may find ourselves two stories above ground and yearn to live in the sky. We may then listen to podcasts, read books, devote ourselves to gurus, study the Bible, and create mental scaffoldings 100 stories up. But these scaffoldings are just that: empty, fragile, and ultimately unlivable. What we must do is free up our life force energy, which will rush into any available space like an undammed river. Theory provides structure, but energy dictates experience. Ultimately, any process of growth will succeed or fail to the degree that it frees up your energy — whether meditation, Core Energetics or otherwise. Do this and you will find yourself in joy, playing and fighting with life.
